“But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24
I’m so thankful for the privilege I had to travel the country for a year on deputation with my family as we prepared for church planting in the “big city.” I loved the opportunity to meet some godly ladies that I now consider my friends. They are people just like you and me. They are imperfect. They have many of the same struggles and experience trials just like you. They are your pastor’s wife.
One thing I appreciate so much is that almost every one them has a heart of love- love for the Lord, for their husband, for their children and love for you. They are not self-seeking. They are not looking for the easy way out. They want to get closer to the Lord so He can be known and seen in their life and in the lives of their family members. As I had the opportunity to speak with these ladies, I love the theme that I saw as we talked about our heart’s longing to be Christlike. Here are a few things you may find helpful to know about your pastor’s wife as you seek to understand her heart and serve alongside her in the ministry God has placed you in at your local church.
- She wants to have a close relationship with Jesus. She is endeavoring to spend ample time with the Lord. She realizes her first ministry is to her home and doesn’t want to be hypocritical in her testimony with her kids or husband. She wants to minister to you with a pure heart and be what God wants her to be. She wants you to do the same for the sake of your family and for the furtherance of the Gospel. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Proverbs 31:26
- She is her husband’s cheerleader first. You may feel like she seems disconnected at times, but the ministry for her and her husband is often a 24/7 job. They do a lot more than show up at church. Her husband deals with some emotionally taxing and sometimes horrible circumstances as he counsels and comforts people and faces tough critics. She doesn’t want to know all of the problems in the church; but since her husband does know a lot, she wants to be his encourager first. (Here is my thought on this. We should follow her example and desire to be that support to our husband. It makes for a happier home.) “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11
- She does get criticized. As she endeavors to have a godly balance in her life, it seems as though some people are never pleased. At one point, I was given a Coach purse as a gift but didn’t want to carry it to church for fear of criticism. After a couple of months, I finally decided to use it. A couple of weeks later, a church member came up to me and said her adult granddaughter was visiting and saw my purse and wondered how much money my husband made for me to be able to afford such a luxury. Please know, your pastor’s wife likes nice things too, but many of her nicest things may be gifts or something she saved a long time for before purchasing. Most pastor’s wives I know endeavor to carefully steward the money God provides. She probably is too self-conscious as it is about how nice or “not nice” her things are. Be thoughtful. Be kind. “But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.” James 3:14
- She wants to spend time with all the ladies of the church and wants to do it often. However, the reality is that there is only one of her. I loved my time with my pastor’s wife and found the best way to be able to be around her was to simply offer to help her with the work around the church. Whether it was cleaning, decorating for Christmas or just showing up for a ladies’ event, I could spend time around her helping her do things she was already going to be doing. It gave me the opportunity to learn from her and get to know her better. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 27:17
- She experiences life stages just like you. Be aware of her life stage. I know it is always easier to identify with people in your life stage, but we should be willing to put ourselves in each other’s shoes. For instance, if the pastor’s wife has a bunch of littles running around, she is probably spending a lot of time on child training, sicknesses, etc. and finds that just a trip to the grocery store is a huge accomplishment some days. She may not be able to answer the phone or call you back as quickly as she would like to. My kids are all getting older and are able to look out for themselves if I need to be gone. It is so nice, but there is still a danger there. They still need me around and often, whether they think they do or not. Even a mature pastor’s wife will need your patience as she may not have the physical stamina she used to or has expanded responsibility, at times, as her family grows to accommodate her children’s spouses and her grandkids. “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.“ Galatians 6:2
Just remember, your pastor’s wife loves you and prays for you often! If you have a godly one, you are blessed. Satan would like to divide any relationship in the church but especially the one you have with your pastor’s wife. Encourage her. Pray for her because I can assure you she needs it. “I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men;” 1 Timothy 2:1
